Trump signs 'sticks and stones' order

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Invoking a long-standing understanding of presidential children being off-limits from media scrutiny, President Donald Trump signed an executive order banning the White House press to stop all personal criticism of him immediately.

"i think it's a disgrace. Look, I've been acting like a child for months. So you can't start treating me any differently than Malia and Sasha, or Chelsea Clinton or even Billy Carter," the President said. "And don't even get me started on Socks the cat. Bill got to grab that cat whenever he wanted and no one said boo about it."

A spokesman for the White House press corps stopped long enough from boxing up items for a move from his office near the West Wing to respond to the executive order: "That's not something he can just sign away."

Former President Theodore Roosevelt, who has been repeatedly quoted in recent weeks saying it's "morally treasonable" to suggest a president should never be criticized, tweeted this response to the new POTUS: "Grow up!"

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